Wedding etiquette – guests, speeches and gifts for the bride in her wedding dress

The situations that are easiest to solve in advance and hardest to solve on the day.

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When may our wedding guests post photos of the wedding dress and the day on social media?

Wedding guests may post photos when you say so, so tell them clearly what you want instead of hoping. If you want to post the first photo yourselves, write it in the programme or let the toastmaster mention it. Many couples ask guests to wait until after the ceremony, so nobody sees the wedding dress online before the groom has seen it. If you would rather not see photos online at all, say so clearly and kindly, as most guests respect it without question. Also read our questions about the photographer.

What do we do if guests cancel at the last minute while I'm getting into my wedding dress?

When guests cancel at the last minute, say thank you and be kind, even if it annoys you, because you should not spend the day on it. Pass the new number on to the venue straight away, as there is often a deadline and the cover may already be paid for. Let the toastmaster fix the seating plan, not you. If you are already in your wedding dress, hand the message to a best man or maid of honour. One chair too many goes unnoticed, but an empty plate next to a guest does not. Find more advice in our questions about wedding guests.

What do we do if a guest brings someone uninvited, and I don't want to sort it out myself in my wedding dress?

Let it go on the day itself if a guest brings someone uninvited, because a scene costs you more than an extra cover. Tell the toastmaster and the venue so another place is laid, and so you can enjoy the evening in your wedding dress instead of dealing with practical matters. If you want to prevent it, write the names of those invited directly on the invitation, and give the same answer to everyone who asks. That is where the problem is solved, not at the door. See how to word it in our questions about invitations.

Can you invite your ex to the wedding, or will it feel awkward standing there in your wedding gown?

Yes, you can invite an ex if you both think it is fine and no other guest has a bad evening because of it. Talk about it as a couple before you send the invitation, and let the one of you it concerns have the final say. If there are children together, it is often natural. Don't seat them at the table with your closest family, and tell the toastmaster how things stand. You should be able to enjoy the day in your wedding gown without keeping an eye on the room. Get help with more difficult situations under special situations.

How do we seat divorced parents at the wedding dinner and arrange them in the family photos with the wedding dress?

Give divorced parents a table each close to you instead of seating them together and hoping for the best. Put a new partner at the same table as the parent he or she belongs with. Ask both beforehand whether there is anything you should know, because it is a short conversation that saves a long evening. Also ask the toastmaster to keep an eye out if there are tensions. Agree on the family photos in advance, so you don't have to organise the line-up in your wedding dress. Find more ideas for the party itself on our blog.

How long should a wedding speech be if the bride is also going to have time to dance in her wedding dress?

A wedding speech should last three to five minutes. Any longer and the room loses interest and the food goes cold. Tell the speaker the maximum time when they sign up, so it doesn't become personal afterwards. Let the toastmaster spread the speeches between the courses instead of putting five in a row. Short speeches also leave more time for the first dance and for dancing in the wedding dress. A short speech rehearsed aloud once beats a long one read from a phone. See more advice on the programme in our questions about planning.

Should wedding songs be written for our wedding, and can they be about the wedding dress?

Wedding songs are a Danish tradition, and guests often write them themselves to a well-known tune. You don't have to order them yourselves, but it helps if the toastmaster knows how many there are, so four don't come in a row. Make sure there are enough printed song sheets and that the tune is one everyone can sing. A verse about how you met, or about the wedding dress, is a classic. Two or three songs are enough for one evening. Read about more Danish traditions in our questions about culture and faith.

Should we open the wedding presents at the party, or do you wait until the wedding dress has been hung up?

The couple don't usually open the presents during the party, but the day after or the weekend after, when the wedding dress has been hung up and there is time to see what you have received and who gave what. Gather the presents on one table, and ask a guest to keep an eye on the gift table. Write things down as you open them, so the thank-you cards are right, and have the presents driven home by someone you trust. Read about what else awaits in our questions about the time after the wedding.

When should we send thank-you cards after the wedding, and should they include a photo of the wedding gown?

Send thank-you cards within two to three months of the wedding, ideally with a photo from the day showing both of you and the wedding gown, as that is often what guests like best. Write a personal line about the present or about something the guest did. Make the list while you open the presents, otherwise it becomes guesswork. Send the cards digitally if they would otherwise never be sent, because that is better than nothing. Good photos for the cards are easier with our advice on the wedding photographer.