As a wedding guest – dress code, gifts and wearing white next to the wedding dress

For those who are invited: clothing, gift, cancellation and the rules that still apply.

I'm going to be a bridesmaid. Who pays for the bridesmaid dress when it has to match the wedding dress?

There is no fixed rule about who pays for the bridesmaid dress, which is why it should be said out loud early on. In Denmark the couple often pay for the dress when the bridesmaid is a child in the family, while adult bridesmaids usually pay for their own. If the couple choose the dresses to match the wedding dress, they should also pay for them. Agree on the amount before anyone goes to the shop, so everyone avoids an awkward conversation. Read more about wedding etiquette.

Can a guest wear white or cream to a wedding, or are those colours reserved for the wedding dress?

No, as a wedding guest you should leave white, cream, ivory and champagne alone, unless the couple have asked for it themselves. Those colours are reserved for the wedding gown. It is the only dress rule that still holds, and it is easy to follow. A dress with a white pattern on a coloured background is fine. If in doubt, send a photo to the bride or a maid of honour; it won't be taken badly. Find a coloured dress among our party and confirmation dresses.

How much do you give as a wedding present in Denmark, and can you contribute towards the wedding dress?

There is no fixed rate for a wedding present, but a good guide is to give what your place costs, and a guest typically costs 400-3,000 DKK. Close family give more, colleagues less. If several people club together, the amount goes further. If the couple would like a contribution towards a bigger expense such as the honeymoon or the wedding dress, it is perfectly fine to give that. Nobody is counting, and a speech, a poem or a few hours of help count too. Read more about presents in our questions about wedding etiquette.

I'd like to give a speech at the wedding. How do I sign up, and may I mention the wedding dress?

Sign up to give a speech with the toastmaster, not with the couple, and do it in good time, ideally a couple of weeks before. Say how long you need, and keep the speech under five minutes. If you have a song or a game, say so too, so the programme can hold. A kind remark about the wedding dress is fine, but let the speech be about the couple. If you only sign up on the day itself, there may be no room, and it is nothing personal. See the order of speeches in our questions about planning.

How do you politely decline a wedding invitation if you can't come and see the bride in her wedding dress?

Decline a wedding invitation personally as soon as you know, and say it straight out without a long explanation. Feel free to send a present or a greeting anyway, and ask whether you may see a photo of the wedding dress afterwards. Never cancel at the last minute without phoning, because your place has been paid for and the couple have counted on you. If you are unsure whether you can come, say so early instead of saying yes to be nice. Read more about good wedding etiquette.

May our children come to the wedding and see the bride in her wedding dress when the invitation doesn't say anything?

Ask the couple instead of assuming the children are invited. If only the adults' names are on the invitation, the children are usually not invited. Send a short message to the couple or a best man or maid of honour and ask directly; it is not rude. If the answer is no, arrange childcare and enjoy a free evening, and show the children photos of the wedding dress afterwards. Never turn up with a child who hasn't been registered. Read more in our questions about invitations.